HouseBusters!
by Userunfriendly
Summary: You know SOMEONE had to write it. House/Mythbusters Crossover! You knew it would happen sooner or later. Yes, I am totally evil! Now complete. Chapter 4 has been slightly edited for prose
1. Chapter 1

**HouseBusters!**

House and Wilson were lounging on the sofa, watching the "Mythbusters" marathon, while Foreman, Chase and Cameron did all the work. Actually, Foreman and Chase did most of the work, since Cameron, every few minutes would go all "gooley-eyed and girly" at the shiny rock on her ring finger. There were already rumblings from the two male ducklings who were doing all the work, since food had been promised and not delivered. As much as they didn't mind helping Cameron move into House's (former) bachelor pad, this was a Saturday after all. They put down the last of the boxes from this load, and they weren't going back to Cameron's for another load until they were fed.

"House, we're hungry!"

"Food!"

"Wow. This ring is so shiny! See how pretty it is! YAY!" said Cameron as both Foreman and Chase rolled their eyes. Despite Cameron's (hopefully) temporary reversion to a teenager, both had to admit the couple seemed good for each other. But House still being House, they knew they'd have to make a fuss to get fed. Of course, House and Wilson were just chatting and sitting around while they did all the work. They didn't mind Wilson kicking back, since he had shown up at the townhouse bent, and they had found out he had put his back out. They knew that House had probably forced Wilson to come to his place, despite his injuries, just to keep him company. Of course, their topic of conversation was utterly inane...

"Come on, Jimmy! It totally fits!"

"Yeah, but Foreman as Grant?"

"You have to admit that Chase has Tory written all over him!"

Of course at that moment Chase tripped over the half step between the living room and the kitchen, falling on his face. Foreman helped him get up, looking in disgust at the two older doctors laughing, and his younger, female colleague, still enraptured with her rock.

"You're right, House! Chase is so totally Tory!"

"Yep! And I don't even have to point out that Cameron is Kari." said House smugly, pointing to Cameron. She was wearing one of House's t-shirts over old, battered overalls. Because Cameron no longer bothered with brunette hair dye, it was gradually reverting to its natural blond color. Right now, it almost looked reddish. Her big goofy smile, and since she was wearing pigtails today, made her resemblance to the girl on "Mythbusters" inevitable. 

"What are you guys talking about?" asked Foreman in confusion.

House simply pointed to the television set, where a woman was smearing something on a pair of overalls. To Foreman and Chase's astonishment, the woman and a couple of guys then proceeded to blow up the overalls, revealing that the goop was actually high explosives!

"Two insane maniacs, and their THREE moronic lackeys playing with high explosives, fire, electricity and dropping things off of buildings. What more could you ask for in a television show?" replied House smugly. Then, one of the male characters proceeded to trip over his own two feet.

"CHASE!" said both House and Wilson simultaneously, pointing at the television screen. Foreman and Chase proceeded to roll their eyes, for about the millionth time since they had started working for House. Lots of practice, don't ya know?

"Yeah, and that makes you Adam!"

"No, you're Adam!"

"You are!"

"No, you're Adam!"

"I am rubber, you are glue, it bounces off me and sticks to you!"

"God, House, you're so juvenile!"

House then proceeded to limp over to a closet, where he rummaged for a while, and came out wearing a huge fake mustache and a black beret. At this point, everyone fell over laughing, because to see House wearing a beret and a huge fake mustaches was...a riot.

"Just admit it, Wilson, you're Adam." said a very non-plussed House. He looked in disgust at the still giggling ducklings and Wilson, trying to gather the shreds of his dignity about himself. Of course, it was about as dignified as House doing an imitation of a French walrus...

Naturally, it was exactly at this point that Cuddy showed up. She had been dragooned into bringing in the booze, and she showed up with several six-packs of bruskies, and a couple of liter bottles of diet cola, for herself and Cameron. And to everyone's surprise, except Wilson, she also walked in hunched, obviously having thrown HER back out.

"House, why are you doing an impression of a character from a really bad movie about Neapolitan marine wildlife? Ow..." Wilson was all solicitous as Cuddy sat down next to him, putting the drinks on the table. Chase and Foreman immediately grabbed cans of beer for themselves, while Cameron got glasses for herself and Cuddy. Too early in the day for alcohol. She placed a glass in front of Cuddy, getting a smile of thanks, and twisted the top off one of the liter bottles, to have some diet coke. All of a sudden, she had a sudden suspicion...

"HOUSE! Did you lend Wilson our copy of the 'Forbidden Secrets of the Kama Sutra'?"

Foreman and Chase gaped at a blushing Dr. Cuddy AND Dr. Wilson, while House had that "busted" look on his face.

"HOUSE! You know those techniques are not for beginners! I'm sorry, Lisa, what...what position threw out your backs?"

"Um...um...'Heavenly Rama'." replied the furiously blushing Wilson.

"Oh no...that one almost killed Greg and me when we tried it for the first time." muttered Cameron to herself.

"Hey, how come you guys didn't...hurt yourself?" asked Cuddy in perplexity. Meanwhile, Foreman and Chase wore the "Anywhere but here" expressions on their face as the two couples argued.

"Um...well, Greg has been doing yoga since college, and...um...I'm double jointed." replied the now blushing Dr. Cameron.

"Yeah..." moaned Cuddy AND Chase, remembering. House, naturally whacked Chase with his cane. It was no secret that House and Cuddy had dated in college, and everyone knew about Cameron and Chase's one-night-stand.

"House, let's get the pizzas!" Wilson jumped up, obviously feeling better. Or just hiding it really well, as he obviously wanted to get out of the room for a while. Wilson dragged out the still protesting House, asking why the cripple had to get the food.

Lisa and Allison giggled like schoolgirls. The two men in their lives were such...boys! Cuddy demanded to see the ring, and made the appropriate "oooo---ahhhh" noises, while Cameron made her boss laugh with the Gollum impression.

"My precious! Precious..."

As Chase nursed his bruised shin, everyone waited for House and Wilson to arrive with the food. Both Cuddy and Cameron watched "Mythbusters", since they actually got into the show due to their significant other's addiction to the zany television show. The next episode on the marathon was where Adam and Jamie were putting Menthos into diet cola. This caused the soda to react chemically, shooting huge jets of fizzy liquid out the top. The two doctors looked at the screen, looked at each other and smiled.

"Yes! Totally!" As Foreman and Chase looked in puzzlement, the two women seated themselves on the floor in front of the door, holding bottles of diet coke. Cameron had grabbed the pack of Menthos she kept in her purse, since she popped them to keep her breath fresh. House and Wilson were due back any moment...

As the lock turned, indicating that House was using his key, Cameron and Cuddy heard another inane argument in progress...

"So who's Buster then?"

"Obviously Coma Guy."

"Come on, House!"

As the door opened, Cameron and Cuddy shoved several peppermint Menthos into the open bottles of diet coke. Cameron did just fine, managing to douse Wilson from head to toe with soda. Cuddy, however, fumbled, and managed to douse HERSELF from head to toe. House looked in astonishment at a grinning Cameron, the newly christened Wilson, and Cuddy sitting on the floor, looking wet and bedraggled. Then he looked back at Cuddy, noted her white t-shirt, which was completely soaked and turning transparent.

House pointed to Cuddy's chest, and smiled in bliss.

"Buster! Or should I say, Busty!"


	2. Part Deux

(Yes, there is a Part 2. In fact there are three chapters. Yes, I am evil, and utterly twisted.) 

**HouseBusters Part Deux!**

"Ok, Gang, we're going to do a show on hospital myths. And to do it, we're all headed for Princeton, New Jersey! Road trip time!" began Adam Savage.

"We're not actually going to drive there, are we? 'Cause last time we drove, Tori didn't do his fair share of driving and he snores." said Grant.

"Did not!" replied Tori Belleci, irate at the Grantster. (The Discovery fansite had christened Grant Imahara with that appellation. This of course had occasioned much ribbing and jokes which he had taken good-naturedly, but by now Grant's patience had worn thin.) 

"Nope, we're flying this time, to Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital, to meet the infamous and legendary Dr. Gregory House." said Jamie Hyneman.

"Whoa." said Kari Byron.

(Several Days Later)

"Hi, I'm Adam Savage. This is Jamie Hyneman, Grant Imahara, Tori Belleci and Kari Byron. And these are the producers..." as usual, the introductions took quite a bit of time, as Adam introduced everyone, including the production crew and other support staff.

"Hi, I'm Lisa Cuddy, Dean of Medicine and Hospital Administrator. This is Dr. James Wilson, head of Oncology. I'm sorry that Dr. House isn't here to meet you all, he's in the middle of an important case." which naturally meant his soaps, or snogging his fiance, Dr. Cameron.

"We'll try to keep the disruption to a minimum, Dr. Cuddy. We're just going to shoot some footage of us asking Dr. House about medical myths." said Jamie.

"Well, we are a busy working hospital. So I appreciate it. Right this way. Oh, and I should mention, that both Dr. Wilson and House are fans of your show." began Dr. Cuddy, as she led the Mythbusters gang to the elevator.

"House yells at the television when you guys are on, because he says that your science sucks. But he loves it when you blow things up." said Wilson with an embarrassed look.

"We actually get that a lot from scientists. We've heard it all, 'you guys don't use double-blind, and your statistical analysis is kindergarten level.'" said Jamie with a grin.

"But you do get points from House for blowing stuff up." said Wilson with a grin.

"I see, he's one of 'those' fans, eh?" Kari was used to the largest portion of the Mythbusters fanbase, the "boys who like to blow things up".

"Yep." 

"I reject your diagnosis and substitute my own!" came the shout out of the Diagnostics Department. The entire Mythbusters gang froze in a mixture of complete astonishment and hilarity. This was obviously a homage to Adam's famous "I reject your reality and substitute my own!" Kari's involuntary giggle unstuck them all, and everyone smiled as they made their way to the Diagnostics Lounge.

"House, these are the Mythbusters. This is Adam Savage, and..." House was obviously running a new case, undoubtedly a case he had stolen from another doctor, as she hadn't been the one to give it to him. The whiteboard was full of symptoms, and it looked like House was frustrated, which meant that he would soon seek out a distraction. House got his "AHA!" moments that solved the case, usually by thinking or doing something else. Too much focus on trying to batter your way past a seemingly insoluble problem just didn't work, House knew enough about his own mind to know that just doing something else gave it a chance to let the subconscious process the problem for a while.

"Yeah, yeah. Mythbusters, the Ducklings. Ducklings, the Mythbusters." said House.

"The Ducklings?" asked Adam in confusion.

"House's team, Doctors Allison Cameron, Eric Foreman and Robert Chase. They're called that because House likes to pace when he has a case, and they all follow him like ducklings being led by mommy duck." Wilson said with a grin, carefully hidden from House.

"No, the explanation is much simpler. Quack, damn you!" House pointed with his cane at Chase. Chase looked at the expression on his bosses face, and caved.

"Quack." Cameron covered her face. Chase had no shame...

Once again, the Mythbusters gang was caught between astonishment and hilarity. In an attempt to break the confused mood, Kari Byron groped for a question, any question.

"Um...Dr. House, why do you use a cane?" Way to go, Byron!

"Am I missing a thigh muscle?" was House's plaintive reply.

"Oh gawd!" replied Kari, finally giving in to her giggles...

"Got you all!" House finally released the you-know-what-eating grin he had been hiding, and the Mythbusters finally realized that they had all been had. This finally relaxed the tension as everyone realized that House had been playing with them, using quotes from the show.

(Later, during the filming session)

"So, Dr. House, since you should feed a cold and starve a fever, based on certain immunological responses, there is another myth we're interested in. Someone posted on the Discovery website the theory that doctors stick stethoscopes in the freezer before seeing patients. Any comment?" Asked Kari Byron with a huge grin. The filming had been interesting, with House quoting "The New Scientist" publication, explaining how eating increased production of gamma interferon, which caused increased T-cell production, important for fighting viruses, like influenza. (also known as the common cold) On the flip side, fasting increased interleukin-4 production, which increased B cell production of antibodies to fight bacteria infections, which cause fevers.

"Of course not."

"Liar." Allison Cameron walked up to House's sports jacket, and reaching inside for the left front pocket, removed his stethoscope and one of those chemical gel-packs, the kind that turn cold. Everyone laughed as they guessed that House had deliberately put the gel pack in his pocket, in the hopes of being asked that question.

"You're quite a character, Dr. House. You know, somehow you remind me of...well, never mind." began Jaime Hyneman.

"What?" asked House.

"There's this medical joke...oh yeah, the one involving med students, a cadaver and licking a finger." Jaime Hyneman said that with a huge grin. His grin dropped when he saw Lisa Cuddy turn beet red...

"You mean the one where a doctor shows a bunch of med students their first cadaver?" asked House with a truly evil grin.

"Yeah, I heard that one too. A doctor shows a bunch of med students their first cadaver, and says 'The first lesson you have to learn as a doctor is stoicism. You can't be disgusted by anything involving the human body.' He then sticks his finger in the cadaver's butt, and then licks it..." began Adam Savage.

"And the doctor informs the students that they all have to do the same thing. After the last student, he says 'The second skill is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Pay attention!'" finished House with a HUGE evil grin.

"Um...Dr. Cuddy?" asked a concerned Jaime Hynaman. By now Dr. Cuddy was deathly pale.

"Completely true story. Right Dr. Cuddy?" asked House with a GI-NORMOUS evil grin.

"GAHHH!" Cuddy stalked out of the Diagnostics Lounge, and along the way snapped the head off of a doctor who made the mistake of getting in her way.

"Oh dear Lord, House, you didn't!" began Cameron. She didn't know whether to collapse in helpless laughter, or find Dr. Cuddy to keep her from killing her husband to be.

"Did I mention that I was a intern when Dr. Cuddy was a med student in Michigan?"

"You don't mean!" Adam was beside himself in delight.

"Yep, I invented and played that prank on a room full of interns. Including Cuddles." House said smugly.

"You are the wind beneath my wings, Dr. Gregory House!" said Adam Savage.

Tori, Kari, Grant, Chase and Foreman all kowtowed to Dr. Gregory House, chanting "We are not worthy, we are not worthy!" while House had a huge, beatific smile on his face.


	3. Chapter 3

**Part III: Adam and Jaime get SERVED...**

"Oh dear god. The editors are going to have such a field day!" Adam spoke fervently. Dr. House, was such a...Character. And thankfully, he didn't remember the FIRST time that he had met them both. Let's hope Dr. House doesn't until they had made their getaway...

"So, Dr. House, do you blow stuff up in your line of work?" This tongue and cheek question was asked by Grant. with a huge grin.

"House wants big boom." replied Cameron. Everybody grinned, especially the Mythbusters gang.

"But unfortunately, most of the stuff in this hospital costs millions of dollars, so..." finished Cameron.

"Like that stopped him. House blew up the MRI." interjected Chase.

"Do tell!" said Kari with dancing eyes.

"We had a patient with Anton-Babinski syndrome a while back. It's a very rare form of blindness where the patient thinks he or she can still see, but they're blind. He had been shot with a bullet with a certain amount of iron mixed in with the copper jacket, so we couldn't use the M.R.I on him. But House disagreed. He shot a corpse..." began Cameron.

"He SHOT a CORPSE??"

"He had donated his body to science." said House virtously.

"Anyhu, he shot a corpse, and put him in the MRI, and...um..."

"We know." said Kari, remembering the myth about tattoo's and MRI machines. That Tupperware container full of iron oxide had bounced around like it was possessed...

"So House blew up the MRI." Foreman completed, remembering the expressions on his and Chase's face when Cuddy had caught them.

"Then Cameron here blew up the MRI a second time, this year." Cameron covered her eyes. God, Chase would have to mention that!

"She insisted on putting a 600 plus pound man in the machine, since the guy was in a coma. But the table was only rated for 400 pounds..." began Foreman.

"We never found out exactly how much George weighed, since all the scales we have tops out around 500. Poor George." said Cameron sadly. In a way, George was responsible for her and House getting together. She had been so sad, they had gone to a bar after the diagnosis of lung cancer. Cameron had gotten sloshed...

"The morbidly obese and multi-million dollar magnetic resonance scanners, Woo-Hoo!" exclaimed Chase, waving his fingers. Cameron couldn't help laughing at Kari's expression at Doctor Robert Chase. Cameron grinned as she waited for House to make some joke about Chase's girlie-ness...even his mean jokes were funny.

House had only partially been paying attention for the last few minutes, as his team had the Mythbusters laughing. Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman somehow looked familiar to him, now that he had finally met them in person...

"AHA!!" House shouted. He grabbed a piece of paper off the desk, and scribbling with a yellow marker pen, he created a representation of a full head of blond hair. He held it to Adam's forehead, smiled wildly, then reversing it to the blank side, he held it under Jamie's nose. He was right, it was them!!

"OH CRAP!" said Adam and Jamie simultaneously.

"Dr. Cuddy, could you come up here, please? I've got a couple of old friends here." House buzzed downstairs. He had a huge, nasty, you-know-what-eating grin on his face. He was going to so enjoy this.

"Um, Adam, don't you think it's time to wrap up and leave? I'm sure these doctors are busy..."

"No, you don't." House barred the exit with his cane...

"What is it House?" asked a severely irritated Dr. Lisa Cuddy. God, she was going to be on national television! And NOT in a good way! She had already signed the waivers, and there was no way the producers were going to leave out a clip this juicy...

"Imagine Adam here with a full head of hair, and Jaime without the soup strainer. This was about eight or nine years ago, Cuddy. That diver who came in with coma and anaphylactic shock symptoms?" House had his trademark evil grin on his face, and to everyone's astonishment, Cuddy's eyes unfocused for a second, and her smile slowly bent into a grin just as evil as House's.

(Nine Years Ago)

"Patient in his late thirties, he's a professional diver, his partner pulled him up when he started gasping over the microphone. Symptoms of anaphylactic shock, and he's in a partial coma. We intubated him, and gave him point one cc of epinephrine. He's able to breathe, but he's still got some sort of toxic poisoning." Cuddy could just barely keep up with Dr. Gregory House. He had such long legs, and took huge strides whenever he wanted to go anywhere.

"I still need a team, Cuddy."

"I know, House, but the budget doesn't allow it."

"You made me department head of Diagnostics, and refuse to give me underlings. Who will do my paperwork? Who will make me coffee? Who will warn me when Stacy appears on my floor, on the warpath?"

"House, just because you're having trouble with your girlfriend right now, doesn't mean..."

"Dr. House? I'm Adam, and this is my friend and business partner Jaime. Can you help him, please?" Poor Adam was concerned. He and Jaime had just begun their dive salvage business just a year ago, and in another month or so, they would finally be able to afford employees. As it was now, because of Adam's punctured eardrums, Jaime had to do all the diving, while Adam ran paperwork and equipment maintenance above. It was a routine dive, pulling some sealed containers out of a small freighter. It would cost too much to raise the freighter to the surface, so Jaime was hauling stuff out of the hold, and using airbags to bring them up. Adam was daydreaming as usual. He had this wild idea of raising this ship by pumping in ping-pong balls from the surface, but nah, that was too stupid for words. Then, in the space of a few seconds, everything changed. He heard Jaime's frantic gasping, and winched him up right away, out of the frigid waters of Stone Harbor. The doctor couldn't figure it out, and LifeFlight had delivered Jamie's comatose body to Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital...

House ran his own tests, he really needed underlings, and concluded, as did the doctor at Stone Harbor Medical, that this was a severe form of toxic shock. How did the patient get exposed to the poison?

"Tell me what your friend was doing. In complete detail. Now."

"We have a small marine salvage operation out of Stone Harbor. Jaime was down, pulling some stuff out of a small sunken freighter. I heard him gasp for air, and I hauled him up right away. But even after he reached the surface, he couldn't breathe!"

"Insulated suit? Air hose from the surface?"

"No, standard wet suit. Jaime hates the thermal insulated ones, too...bulky. Makes it hard to move around."

"How do you keep from freezing to death in the winter, like now?"

"Jaime made this little rig, it pumps up sea water, and heats it, and pumps it down to him, using a garden hose. Jaime usually puts it down the seat of his pants, the warmed water keeps him comfortable, even when the water he's diving in is near freezing."

House just stood there and thought. This was interesting. He began to pace. He circled the floor three times before...

"For the love of...YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!" House shouted running into Jamie's room. He gestured for the nurse to flip Jaime over, while Cuddy and Adam looked in puzzlement. House slipped on a pair of surgical gloves, and flipped up Jaime's hospital gown revealing a small, gelatin looking thing...

"Forceps and a salad bowl." House pulled the jellyfish out of Jaime's butt crack, and putting it in the salad bowl, instructed the nurse to take it to pathology, to figure out the toxin. In any case, Jaime should recover soon, now that the source of the toxin was removed...

"Well, There's your problem! The hose sucked up a jellyfish." said House to a flabbergasted Adam and Lisa Cuddy.

"But how did it get wedged up..." began Adam.

"What do you do when you feel a stinging and burning sensation on your butt?" asked House. He then ostentatiously scratched his behind...

A week later, Jamie Hyneman was discharged with a carton of Extra-Strength Preparation-H presented by a grinning House. He left the hospital, with every nurse and doctor snickering as he walked out holding the box. Dr. House had such a big mouth...

(Back to the Present)

The Crew, Kari, Tori, Grant, Cameron, Chase and Foreman were all on the floor, giggling like loons. Even the camera crew couldn't contain their laughter. This was going to be such a great episode! Adam and Jaime were red faced, while Cuddy and House grinned beatifically.

"So...that's why you grew that mustache, Jaime!" Kari managed to gasp out, pointing at House and Cuddy.

"Busted." Said Adam and Jaime.

"Busted!" smiled House and Cuddy.

(Go to the "Darwin Awards" website, click on "Urban Legends" and find and read "Bad Day at the Office" to find the inspiration for this chapter.)

XD


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four: "Turnabout is Fair Play"**

The Mythbusters special featuring Dr. Gregory House had proved to be a complete and utter hit. It had generated more comments on the fanbase than any episode to date. The audience had found him hilarious, and ratings had boosted. House's smart, sarcastic, wit and pure evilness in pranks had made him far more popular than any guest they ever had, more popular than retired FBI agent Frank Doyle, or South San Francisco Police Lieutenant Alan Normandy. He was even more popular than Buster...as hard as that might have been to believe. So the pressure was on by the producers to have Dr. Gregory House come back on the show...

"Ok, gang. Both me and Jaime fought this, but today we have a special guest..."

As the song "Bad to the Bone" played, Dr. Gregory House walked into the set...in all his glorious scruff and sarcasm...

"Oh My Gawd!" exclaimed Karie, Tory and Grant. This was going to be completely insane and so utterly cool...

House quickly took charge while Cuddy, Wilson and the Ducklings filed in...House took a large rolled up blueprint, and tacked it to the wall...

"One of the great traditions in this show is a car donated to be destroyed in creative ways, is it not? Well, I have this '52 Dodge Dart..."

And all the Mythbusters looked in shock and awe at the blueprint complete with engineering equations and precise specifications for building a 30ft tall trebuchet, made of steel "I" beams. Near the bottom was a drawing of House's ancient Dodge Dart, complete with a evil, grinning House manning the trigger. Behind the wheel was Buster...a terrified Buster, his eyes popping out...not Buster II but the original Buster...

"Besides, let's face it, ORIGINAL Buster needs a sendoff truly worthy of Mythbusting legend...a flaming car tossed two hundred feet with him behind the wheel sounds perfect, doesn't it? Unless you guys have a replica Viking Longboat..."

"Everybody loves these episodes, where science is completely disregarded in favor of...BLOWING THINGS UP!!" Grant was in nerd heaven.

"And really, who doesn't love them?" enthused Kari.

Everyone's huge grins made voting unnecessary. This build was...huge. They were going to have to hire a small construction firm to do most of the fabrication. And it looked like the most important work, all the engineering specs and design had already been done by House...

"But, Dr. House! A '52 Dodge Dart? That's a classic man!" exclaimed Adam.

"Yes it is, but Allison gave me an ultimatum. We had to buy a bigger car, and besides, she claimed that every time we made out in my CLASSIC piece of American automotive legend, she needed a Tetanus booster cause of all the rusty springs poking out of the seats. So, we got...gah..."

"A mini-van. Come on, Greg, I let you have it your way on the paint job, didn't I? And we are having twins."

"Nothing less than the impending birth of our TWO bundles of joy could have caused a lapse in judgment large enough to agree to a MINIVAN..." muttered House.

"Everyone recognizes House's minivan with flames painted on the side." Dr. Cuddy laughed.

"House's red hybrid minivan with black flames." Dr. Wilson couldn't help adding.

"You two are so...cute!" exclaimed Kari Byron.

House's Glare of Death was foiled by Allison House pressing her belly against side, causing House to lose concentration as he bent and softly touched his wife's tummy, hoping to feel another kick from his kids.

(Next Day)

"Hyneman, Savage...come look at this." House looks around carefully to see that they're alone. (except, naturally for the film crew)

House unrolls the REAL blueprint. Both Adam and Jaime look surprised and as the implications gradually seeped into their brains, they began to smile...matching the one already on House's face...

"Do you guys have a problem with this?" House asked rhetorically.

"Don't you know us at all?" replied Adam with a grin.

"You...ok, this is ON, then..." said House with an evil smile.

(At the Alameda Naval Base)

"Come on, Adam, Jaime...we need a hand here!" said a flustered Kari Byron as she and Tory hefted a steel brace, trying to lift it to be welded by Scotty Chapman. (Once again, she had been invited back for this...monster build) Most of the parts had been pre-fabricated, but assembly was a pain...

"There's no 'we' in 'Build Team'...though there is a 'me' if you jumble it up...and there is an 'I' though..." Said Adam Savage, reclining on his beach chair, watching everyone else working.

"That one sucked." Said Jaime, also sitting back.

"It's a myth that you two can be sarcastic. You're just idiots."

"You know, Dr. House, that sarcasm of yours is really an attractive quality."

"But Jaime, it has to be easier to maintain than regular treatments of Rogain!"

"Hopefully that's my job...to strap sarcasm on everything." said House while nervously checking the bald spot on the top of his head.

"Oh dear god...who's idea was this?" Allison House asked while covering her face with her hand.

"Who else? House, naturally." Said Chase, helping Kari and Tory with the brace.

"Would you say Dr. House is..." began Grant.

"An evil genius. He is evil, and unfortunately, he is a genius." said Foreman with a you-know-what eating grin.

"Ok, I just want to know one thing. When is it going to stop?" asked Dr. Lisa Cuddy, looking up at the heavens as she so often did, praying for a bolt of lightning to hit...do you really need to ask who?

"When Greg grows up." said Allison with a grin.

"And Adam should stop drooling every time we blow something up. Not gonna happen." said Jamie, smirking.

"Where is everyone getting these quotes?" asked Wilson in bewilderment. One of the producers (with a grin) handed to Jimmy two large binders, one saying "House-isms" and the other "Memorable Mythbusters Quotes." The binder for "House-isms" said Allison House, Robert Chase and Eric Foreman were the authors...

"And how come I only get this NOW?!"

"You can't always get what you want, Dr. Wilson." Said Adam Savage.

"But if you try sometimes, you get what you need." House limped over, and despite his cane, he helped Kari and Tory heft the steel brace, holding it in place while Scotty welded it... Allison had a sudden nasty suspicion...Greg was being entirely too nice...

(Two Days later)

"Thank God it's over!"

The Doctors and Mythbusters looked in awe at the 30 foot tall construction. The research staff had dug up footage of a similar English catapult (made of wood House had scoffed) that had also tossed automobiles. As House pointed out repeatedly, until everyone was sick of it, they were going with a steel frame, and tossing an American car, built of STEEL. Unlike the clip they saw, which tossed cheap, lightweight, British junkers. ("For the last time, House, I'm AUSTRALIAN!!")

At this point, everyone looked at the long wire cable. It had been hooked up to the massive trigger, after Frank Doyle had done his work, and House's Dodge Dart had been filled with pyrotechnics. Kari suddenly looked at the setup. The original blueprint had shown the car being tucked into the net near the front fender, why was it now at the back? Since the car had been towed to face the target zone, a huge bulls-eye painted 80 yards away, that would mean...

"Is everybody ready?" Adam was jumping up and down in excitement, House looked...satanic and pleased, and Jaime had no expression on his face...

"Wait a sec, Adam...why is the car hooked up to the 'Super-Sized Tosser II' at the back?"

"We...uh...took a look at the numbers and this is going to take the strain better."

"Greg, that's lame. Come on, what's going on?" Darn, he's trained her too well, she wasn't falling for his pathetic story...

"Never mind! In five...four...three..."

At the count of one, everyone pulled on the wire cable attached to the trigger. There was a gigantic "SPRONG!!" sound, and the "Trojan Rabbit II" made its maiden and only flight. Due to an utterly inspired idea by Allison House, the build team had attached a giant foam rabbit head to the front of the fifty year old car. At the target zone, several dummies were dressed up as English "K-Nigets." They had made Chase and Foreman watch "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" so that they would get the joke. Those two were such killjoys...

The 200 ton counterweight did its work, and the one and a quarter ton mass of metal was yanked off the ground. The reinforced cargo net took the strain quite well, but because of the placement, instead of imparting a balance of forward and upward motion, it SPUN...and headed straight UP...shedding various parts of itself, due to the centripedal motion...first off were the side mirrors, then both the front and back windshields...due to some strange quirk of kinetic motion the foam "Wabbit" head stayed attached...all the way until it slammed ON TOP OF the "Super-Sized Tosser II" with a horrific and insanely loud crash!! And then the 20 gallons of gas that Frank had installed in the back went off, and the huge wreck was hidden by the enormous fireball!!

"OH...MY...GAWD!!" Everybody except a smirking House, an uncontrollably excited Adam, and a smiling Jaime exclaimed in unison. There was a huge twisted metal wreck smack in the middle of the abandoned naval base, still on fire, with huge wads of black smoke pouring off the burning, twisted metal. The "Super-Sized Tosser II" had self immolated in a horrifying shriek of metal as the 2500 pound automobile landed on the top support frame, and in a mesmerizing implosion, as the gas ignited and burned in what had to be a scene from an Irwin Allen movie, the whole enormous edifice ponderously and with stately slowness collapsed in on itself.

(Later, after the PPTH team had gone home and the cast was wrapping up this week's episode)

"I can't believe you didn't tell us! The coolest single stunt on Mythbuster's history, complete with the total destruction of...a trebuchet, and you two jerks didn't even warn us that this immense coolness was about to happen!!"

"Well, Kari, as you know..." began Jaime.

"Everybody lies!" said the entire cast in a grinning chorus.


End file.
